constantly devastated by the world we lost due to aids
The battles that rose out of the AIDs epidemic were access to marriage and military service. When once the Queer community was focused on creating the best art and living lives worth telling stories about, the 1990’s brought on a new goal: How to best fit in.
As the brilliant Fran Bebowitz has said many times, the first people who died of AIDS were the interesting ones. The artists. There’s a reason that arts became Ghostbusters and Cats in the 1990s. Because all of the really talented artists were dying. The rule-breakers. The ones who weren’t afraid to shake things up. And the audience died with them.
“Now we don’t have any kind of discerning audience. When that audience died- and that audience died in five minutes. Literally people didn’t die faster in war. And it allowed of course, like the second, third, fourth tier to rise up to the front. Because of course, the first people who died of AIDS were the people who… I don’t know how top put this… got laid a lot. OK. Now imagine who didn’t get AIDS. That’s who was then lauded as like - the great artists.” - Fran Lebowitz
So many of the gays left alive once the Clinton Administration came into being were, to be frank, the boring ones. Gays who knew nobody and who nobody knew, and they rose to the top of the community and therefore their priorities rose to the top of the community as well. And what did they want? Apparently, they wanted to join the army and have big gay weddings.
General employment non-discrimination wasn’t all that important to them. Making sexuality and gender identity a protected class, along with sex, race, and religion, wasn’t that important to them. They wanted marriage and military. Because they were the good gays. Not the naughty gays who were sleeping around and dying of AIDS. Not the poor gays who couldn’t make political contributions.
They were the gays with families and commitment ceremonies and office jobs and houses. They were the good ones. The ones who would look fantastic and incredibily marketable when they were interviewed by CNN. They were the gays who straight people would look at and say to themselves: “Maybe they’re not so bad after all. I still don’t want my kid to be gay. But maybe it’s okay if Bob and Henry got married.”
The gay rights movement shifted from ‘Accept us for who we are’ to 'We’ll be whatever you want us to be if you accept us.’ And it’s kind of remained that way over the last thirty years.
We’ve been trained to be offended by queers who step too far out of the mainstream. Plenty, and I mean plenty, of gays online were on edge when Billy Porter started showing up to awards shows in dresses. Lots, and I mean lots, of gays were unnerved and worried when trans people started coming out of their own closets. Some going so far as to disavow the T from LGBT because they were worried people who don’t like trans people would lop in the gay men and women in with them. Who needs community when you’ve already got your house in the suburbs, right?
You know, you’d think that someone who wrote an essay about queer people selling each other out for cishet approval would agree with this, and to a certain extent, I do, at least in the outcomes and effects, but this excerpt contains a number of deeply wrong and deeply fucked up things to say.
The big pushes for marriage equality and military service were responses to things done to us. They weren’t the malicious behavior of a bunch of second-rate, shitty gays (holy fuck, what the fuck, measuring people’s artistic prowess and social importance by how much they got laid? James, what the fuck). The push for marriage equality got bigger and louder because of the AIDS epidemic. Because we were denied entry into the hospital rooms and funerals of our loved ones. Because sometimes all families left behind when they cleared out everything in a shared apartment was a fucking box fan. Because people lost their homes when their partners died. Because people were buried under the wrong names, or unclaimed by family and unable to be claimed by the people who loved them.
The push for military service equality? That happened as a pushback against active campaigns to out queer people and drive them out of military service. Like it or not, military service has become (by intent on the part of the Department of Defense) a way out of poverty for a lot of people, and queer people? Well, we tend to be poorer than others. Protecting people’s ability to serve in the military meant protecting that path out of poverty for a lot of queer people, meant protecting health care, meant protecting housing, meant protecting lots and lots of things.
A friend of mine was expelled from the military under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He’d been in almost long enough to have a pension, and he pissed someone off who knew he was gay. When I talked to him about it when DADT was repealed, he was still bitter about it – he and his now-husband couldn’t at the time get VA loans or any benefits for his years and years of service. There are at least a hundred thousand people who were expelled from military service for being gay from WWII until its repeal in 2011. Most of those people still have their records showing an other than honorable discharge, and so they and their families are not receiving benefits to which they are otherwise entitled.
Again, this push was a pushback against an active Republican campaign to drive queer people out of public life, one which was used by Republicans in order to stir up their base into a froth over the concept of gays tainting the pure American way of life. There were accusations of gays attempting to undermine the military in the 90s, lots of talk about how the very presence of queers in that space would sully it immeasurably, ruin the American way of life. (Lots of talk about 'combat readiness’ and I heard people talking about not wanting 'faggots in foxholes.’)
Sound familiar?
Is there a problem with respectability politics in the queer community? Yes. Does that problem with respectability politics undermine our ability to make meaningful change? Yes, absolutely. But we need to refrain from this absolutely fucking asinine and totally untrue reframing of the narrative to blame respectability politics for decisions made out of desperation by people under attack, and we one fucking hundred percent do not need this gross “the survivors were the losers who didn’t fuck” narrative, as if one’s sexual prowess has anything to do with one’s worth as an artist or a human being.
That’s fucking disgusting, and James Somerton should be ashamed for even thinking that, much less putting those words in that order and putting them out into the world. My worth as an artist – and yes, a queer artist – has nothing to do with who I fuck or how much I fuck or how many partners I fuck. It says a lot about the art world and who gets to rise to the top in it – the pretty, the popular, the fuckable – that people think so, though.
Yes, the community has a problem with respectability politics – I have been loudly saying so for years – but the response to that can’t be grading people by their transgressiveness and fuckability. It just creates a new metric by which you can be found a Worthy Queer.
And we sure as shit need to not reframe the desperate actions of people trying to protect their livelihoods, their homes, and their access to health care from an active and aggressive onslaught of Republican politicians using them as wedge issues as the petty and frivolous concerns of a bunch of no-talent suburban sissies. That shit is just as fucking exhausting. Authentic queer liberation must include the ability to be fucking boring if one desires without incurring whatever this dramatic and ahistorical bullshit rewrite is.
I’m still angry about this. I will eat his heart in the fucking marketplace.
“General employment discrimination wasn’t all that important to them.”
Executive Order 12968 was signed by U.S. PresidentBill Clinton on August 2, 1995. … Executive Order 12968’s anti-discrimination statement, “The United States Government does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or sexual orientation in granting access to classified information.” responded to longstanding complaints by advocates for gay and lesbian rights by including “sexual orientation” for the first time in an Executive Order. It also said that “no inference” about suitability for access to classified information “may be raised solely on the basis of the sexual orientation of the employee.”
You can find this shit is fucking wrong on fucking Wikipedia, you goddamned rotten cabbage.
For clarity and conciseness, I’ve included only those advances made during the worst parts of the AIDS Crisis: 1982: Wisconsin: Sexual orientation protected in all employment 1983: New York: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Ohio: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1985: New Mexico: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Rhode Island: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Washington: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1987: Oregon: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1988: Oregon: Sexual orientation no longer protected in state employment 1989: Massachusetts: Sexual orientation protected in all employment 1990: Colorado: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1991: Connecticut: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Hawaii: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Minnesota: Sexual orientation protected in state employment New Jersey: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1992: California: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Louisiana: Sexual orientation protected in state employment New Jersey: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Vermont: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Oregon: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 1993: Minnesota: Sexual orientation and gender identity protected in all employment 1995: Maryland: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Rhode Island: Sexual orientation protected in all employment 1996: Illinois: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Louisiana: Sexual orientation no longer protected in state employment 1998: New Hampshire: Sexual orientation protected in all employment 1999: Iowa: Sexual orientation and gender identity protected in state employment Nevada: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Ohio: Sexual orientation no longer protected in state employment Delaware: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Iowa: Sexual orientation and gender identity no longer protected in state employment Montana: Sexual orientation protected in state employment 2001: Indiana: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Maine: Sexual orientation protected in state employment Maryland: Sexual orientation protected in all employment Rhode Island: Gender identity protected in all employment
Do you think all of those things were just magically fucking granted by the benevolent cishets? No. Each one of those advances came with long, tedious, brutal fucking fights, with people risking their careers, their livelihoods, and sometimes the possibility of criminal charges by coming out and fighting.
The idea that “general employment discrimination was not on the agenda” is such a bald-faced fucking lie that I can’t even see past the goddamned red mist in my vision. I highly, highly recommend reading that page if you don’t understand what an ongoing fight antidiscrimination laws have been. Several states have gone back and forth several times on whether or not employment and housing discrimination is banned, making it especially fucking risky to get involved in those fights, but the boring gays did it anyway.
Fuck, I am angry. That is just a bunch of self-congratulatory bullshit, and it doesn’t do fucking anything to talk meaningfully about what AIDS took from us.
as a bi person, the bisexual flag brings me infinite joy and always puts a smile on my face, however as a person who has a Passion for Graphic Design, that undersaturated shade of purple infuriates me when it’s used digitally
like, on an actual flag - which was its original purpose - it looks great!
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those look fine! lovely, even! with the semi-transparent fabric, the way it catches the sunlight, it looks beautiful!
but now look at how it looks digitally
the pink and blue are so vibrant compared to the sad, lonely lavender!
and let’s look at this statement from Michael Page, the creator of the bi flag:
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(sidenote: he created this flag in 1998, so if his takes on bisexuality is different from yours, it’s okay to notice that! a lot has changed since the 90s when it comes to lived experiences and the way we describe them. but, it’s also important to respect his thoughts about this and the way he presented them, even if today, we’d probably not say that bi people “blend unnoticeably into both the gay/lesbian and straight communities.”)
so in pantone colors, the pink is 226 C, the blue is 286 C, and the purple of the flag is 258 C.
but…here’s the deal
Michael talks here about how the key to understanding the symbolism is to know that the purple blends into both the pink and blue. and on a physical flag, I think you can see that!
but digitally, it absolutely does not blend. it clashes badly, and looks oddly separate from the other two colors.
which got me wondering…what purple do you get if you actually blend 226 C and 286 C?
oh! oh, my god.
look at that! look at how nicely it fits between those colors!
look at it next to the original color scheme! look at how much more vibrant the purple is!
and friends. this is just blending through rgb! you get even more purple variations when you use other color spaces!
look at all of the different purple options you can get just by combining these two colors!
if you want almost too-vibrant saturation, you can go hsl, if you want something more relaxed that’s closer to the original, you can go lab or lrgb. and if you want to split the difference, lch is bright and violet, while rgb is there with its saturated but darker purple.
anyway, I guess I don’t really have a point here? this isn’t so much an informational post as it is Me Getting Weird About Colors, but I think it is a useful lesson about how colors look very different on screens compared to how they look on objects in real life.
and sometimes, I think it’s okay to compensate for that.
out of all of these, this is my favorite bi flag:
it’s the one where the colors were blended in lab color space. for me, the lighter, softer purple is close enough to the original bi flag purple, while also feeling like a smoother blend of the blue and pink
but that’s just me! and it might not even look the same to you, since every screen is different, because technology is a nightmare!
anyway, thank you for coming with me on this colorful journey! I will now retreat back to inkscape and make pained sounds about inkstitch gradients until something tangible pulls me back into reality
My friend takes this one step further and refers completely accurately to his girlfriend Danielle as “My partner, Dan”
Also i hate to say it but for some people, boyfriend/girlfriend feels a bit juvenile, say, if youre over 30, or perhaps youve been with someone for a very long time and are committed life partners but not married for whatever reason. Maybe husband/wife feels a little watered down to you and you want to establish the equal nature of your relationship.
Partner is a wonderful word and it should be normalized.
We actively asked people to use “partner” because then using partner doesn’t out someone as queer, you absolute fucking cabbages.
It isn’t appropriation when people ask you to fucking do it.
I am Bi and Poly, and I use “Partner” for, well, My Partner. He’s been with me for 10 years, and when someone sees us together, they think “ah, yes, perfectly Straight Couple, clearly this is a cute term of endearment for her Husband.” (Which. LOLOLOL. Sure Jan.)
Its a safe way to both out myself to those in the know, and hide among Straight folks who dont. Plus, it makes it safer for those around me who *CANT* out themselves, because “Partner” is so ambiguous.
Elia Bonci, who also spoke to la Repubblica, said: “I took courage, used my deadname and signed up for Miss Italy because fighting transphobia is intersectional and even though I’m not a trans woman, I’ve decided to fight for their rights.”
the whole point is to show how “afab” being used as a replacement for woman is fucking stupid and fundamentally incorrect and. whatever else. and it gives me hope to see the community rising up like this. solidarity and unity and peace on planet earth.
trans people i’m happy you’re alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m so glad you’re here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep doing your best!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not gay as in “happy” but queer as in “fuck you, the people I love will eat well”. Not gay as in “happy” but queer as in “so long as I can cook for others it’ll all end up okay”. But queer as in “are you hungry?”. Queer as in “Did you eat today?”. Queer as in “Here’s one of my favorite recipes I’ve made”, queer as in “I cook too big for just myself”, queer as in “Come on upstairs with a bowl”, queer as in “Are you allergic to anything?”, queer as in “It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay, here, eat this chocolate”, queer as in “I love you, I hope we both eat well”, queer as in “I love you and therefore I must hate what wants you to starve”, queer as in “the metronome of sharing orange slices”, queer as in “take this, all of you, and eat of it”, queer as in food and love and rage at everything and everyone which would see us miserable and unable to have enough to share with others. Not gay as in “happy”, but queer as in “I can’t let others go hungry”.
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